Reunion dinner 2014

This reunion dinner was like none ever before
I did something I didn't think of doing
Everything was fine until the thanksgiving/prayer meeting
Everyone was suppose to read the verse, feel what God is trying to tell you through the verse and share your experiences for the past one year and how does the verse can help you in this 2014

Here is the verse I got:
God is righteous
"Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11
When I got this verse, I tried to think how this relates to me for the past one year
I had to admit I was kinda nervous
Mark's relatives speak good English and their Chinese is not very good
I know they didn't look down on me like most Singaporeans would do, instead they tried to help me relax by singing chinese hymms even they can't read chinese character
That makes me even more nervous

Okay it was my turn
I breathe in and courteously asked "can i speak in Mandarin"
Although I can speak in English
But at that point of time
I just feel more comfortable to use Chinese
After finishing the first sentence
I....cried.....
Yes I cried....
I didn't even know why did I cry
I just feel like crying
People who know me know I don't usually cry in front of people
Since nursery school, I don't cry in front of friends, teachers I just don't
I usually cry to myself
I don't know what the heck was wrong with me
I CRIED
And it continued until the prayer meeting ends
I can't even utter more than 3 words

May be I have been pushing myself too hard
May be God is telling me its okay to cry
Its okay to admit that I'm weak
I myself didn't see this coming
I just cried......
I wasn't that depressed
I wasn't that upset
I just cried.....in front of everybody
May be because of pms
May be because my sick landlord's sister slam me on the back earlier that day affected me
May be because of my family pressure
May be because Holy Spirit just touches me

And then I remember just few weeks ago
Church member told me that there was a mafia's gang head in our church
Did a lot of bad things like trafficking drugs, killing people etc
By God's grace, he repented and became a Christian and his whole life changed
Church member told me the first time when he attended Christmas carol
He cried unstoppably throughout the whole carol
People ask him "why did you cry, its just some kids singing hymms"
He said "I don't know, I just want to cry, God's love is so great"
Church member told me "He cried because Holy Spirit touches him

Yea perhaps its the same thing here
I don't know
I really don't know
I don't know why I cried
Its more like a little bit of everything add up together

Nonetheless,
I love reunion dinner like this
Thanksgiving and prayer meeting
I feel calm and peace and relax
Thank you God
Glory to the Highest
Amen